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| To make up on the on-and-off hiatuses and share something I wanted long time ago...
Way before I started uni I knew I didn't want carefree summer holidays so when my parents adamantly refused my plead to go for a 5-week community project in Sabah, I had to look for a Plan B.
Plan B was to get myself an internship.
Execution of the plan was to look up on directories of whatever related companies I can think of: Insurance, Consultancy and Banking. Spent a week sitting by the miserable black plastic telephone, repeating countless of "Hello good morning/afternoon" in the happiest tone I could do, calling more than 30 companies.
And accepting one and only offer.
Kurnia Insurance had never been so special to me then.
So then I started my two-month internship, and was requested to answer a few questions to be published on the staff newsletter. I want to share it with you.
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How do you find working in Kurnia?
Being offered a placement in the Finance Department, I was told that the job involved could be slightly mundane and routine. However once my internship started, soon enough I came to realize that I was working in a very fast-paced environment. Everything I’m assigned to has an approaching deadline and any mistake may lead to significant consequences. Despite being nervous and skeptical about coping with the stress at work initially, I blended in quickly enough thanks to my colleagues who were always friendly and kind to me. There were many happy moments during my internship in Kurnia, I especially miss chatting while eating breakfast in the morning before work starts, trying the Nasi Kerabu offered by my Malay colleagues for the very first time, or talking to the seniors who shared with me their life experiences and gave me valuable advice. It was also such a coincidence that my first day here was the 18th anniversary of the company. Thus I had the opportunity to witness the aspiring townhall meeting attended by most of the supportive fellow colleagues followed by the celebratory lunch with everyone. I was also fortunate to be invited along with other colleagues in the Finance Department for a special lunch as a token of appreciation from the management for the hard effort we have put in for the closing of financial year 08/09. Truth to be told, I felt that I did not deserve the invitation for I have not contributed enough to the company. The seniors of the company graciously attended the lunch and I was enlightened by how thoughtful Kurnia is to its staffs.
Tell us some of your experience / knowledge gained during your internship here.
During my internship I’m involved in assignments such as bank reconciliation and branch operations. As a result I have to regularly interact with people in the East Coast branches which I’m responsible for. I’ve learned to communicate with them more effectively and work along with my colleagues in the department because teamwork is very crucial in getting things done. For instance there are different stages for various responsible individual to complete a task such as preparing, verifying to approving a payment. During my internship, I’ve also grasped some of the knowledge of accounting, which isn’t something I’m familiar with as I am an Actuarial Science student. I am always curious of the series of step in everything we do. Fortunately I have very patient colleagues who are always enthusiastic in elucidating things to me. To be honest, I am very intrigued by how things work in Kurnia, it never fails to fascinate me how different roles in the department work so well together.
Are there any problems encountered while working here and how do you overcome the problems?
One of the obstacles I’ve encountered while being in Kurnia is that I was not accustomed to the basics in the office since this internship is my very first office job. I had many embarrassing moments such as not knowing how to operate the photocopy machines properly, how to hold calls correctly and how to use a fax machine etc. This may sound really unbelievable to you but yes, I had many of my firsts in Kurnia. Thankfully my colleagues were very considerate and politely taught me all the essentials of Office 101. Besides, every task I was assigned to has such a complicated procedure that it was so overwhelming for me at first. I always forgot which options to go to, what my passwords are or which GL code I should use for payment voucher. It was then I found out that jotting down notes was the best way to remember the procedures. Thus I have all sorts of little papers with messy handwriting lying around my table, and whenever I can’t recall any steps, I can easily ask my dear colleagues who never get annoyed by my constant questions.
What is the most unforgettable experience you had with Kurnia?
This has to be the most hectic morning throughout my internship. It was August month end closing and I had an abundance of payments yet to be issued. Due to the implementation of new cheque policy, it was compulsory to issue the payments by 10am. However I lost my nerves over the amount of workload and made a couple of mistakes along the way. The clock was ticking and there was almost no room for any mistake. Seeing how stressed out I was, my colleagues calmed me down and steadily taught me how to amend the mistakes. Eventually I managed to complete the tasks in view of the extra time given to us. This whole experience of adrenaline rush was totally new to me, and I’d never felt so close to chasing time to getting things done. One of the things I am very grateful of in working here is that people teach me how to do things and treated me like any other staff. At the same time they were very helpful when I made mistakes and pointed them out to me. Thank you to all of you who have lent me a helping hand, thank you for all the farewell wishes and thank you for all your words. I would never wish to spend this summer holiday in any other way.
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| I just did.
Why can't I learn to be wiser and more cautious of the words I say? Repercussions will surface... And I won't know it then. Have you ever regretted doing something so much that you so wish you could just rewind everything? Yet you know you can't... This sense of helplessness and self-hatred is killing me.
Time to learn.
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| Summer officially ended 8 hours ago. I'm now in Dubai airport, feeling cold especially on the feet. Tights aren't the most warming thing, are they?
Oh my first summer, I was happy... mostly. However I did not regret a thing. I did what I wanted to do, act as I wished to, and I was, just myself. Going back to Malaysia reminded me of the more apparent change in me, and also how amazing it is to be in the seemingly endless company of the one who loves you. For this, I'll miss home very much. For this, I know I'll come back again.
One of the best things I've ever done this holiday is picking up the book, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari. Han made me read it because, while it's not evident, I'm actually very lacking of self-confidence. But this book is a gem. During my many journey on the LRT I'm often suppressed by negative thoughts with all the noise and lonely people surrounding me... It's just depressing. One time I decided to read the book. That's the moment I was totally absorbed into that world. That optimistic, self-improving world. Hence, I missed my stop. The lady next to me noticed my shocked expression, you know how expressive I always am. That got us into a very brief conversation. She told me there's a book rental shop at Central Market, which sadly I haven'y had the chance to check it out. I sold her on the book, and she shared with me how she always misses her stop reading too. The experience lasted less than three minutes, but I kinda felt a connection I can't explain. I really admire her elegance and her well-spoken english, the way she carried herself.
Recently I think about getting older and my teenage days. I concluded that to me, I love the process of growing up. In my younger days, I was too juvenile and ignorant to develop my own ideas and realise what I really want. I used to believe in twisted facts and biased opinions because I couldn't have my own stand, and I like the whole experience of knowing myself better. That's why I'm excited for the future now.
Time's running out and I'm taking the next flight. I'm looking at another year of countless forms-filling, essays-perfecting and lots of difficult maths. Wish me luck. You too.
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| So it's been a while.
This summer, I've strayed away from what I want to be. But tonight, I felt impeccably calm and comfortable. I just need to execute it.
I'll still be around, how could I leave without a notice? This blog has been a journal of me growing up, and will still be it because I'm still learning.
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| I doubt if I can ever be able to find that bit of happiness back here.
I'm writing here because I feel utterly helpless, is it that I expected too much out of myself? I have a goal I want to reach, and to realise it I planned things to be done, but right now I'm feeling things are going way out of hand, I can't control them, I feel like a vain child trying to grab a good grip of the sand, truth is, the sand finds their way out through all the tiny gaps within your fingers and I just can't stop them. I can't . I can't do any fucking thing to save it from falling away from me. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to stop this from happening, I don't know the path to my goal anymore. I... don't know.
Sometimes I wish a big whiny cry can just solve everything. But I have no tears to shed, even if I do, I don't have anyone to shed tears to. I know, I cry deep inside, to myself.
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